River's Conception
by MidnightPickle
Summary: Rory and the TARDIS had a little too much fun, and Amy wasn't invited. They may have gone a bit too far, and now Rory has to somehow tell Amy. A different explanation for why River is half Time Lord, and it makes more sense to me. Mpreg.
1. Chapter 1

Rory woke up in a bed that wasn't his. It took him a few seconds to remember what events led up to him being there, and in those few seconds, he was happy. He felt satisfied, peaceful, and…not alone. He suddenly realized his nakedness, and in that same moment, the events of the last night came rushing back to him. Oh. Amy. He winced, already feeling the beating that was sure to come from this. Oops.

The memory itself was the best memory he'd ever had, the happiest moment of his life. It began when he walked into the TARDIS last night. Amy and the Doctor had been out saving some planet or the other, but he had fallen and hit his head. He felt fine, but the Doctor insisted he go back to the TARDIS in case he had a concussion. Upon entering the TARDIS, he intended to go straight to the armory and do a little sword practice, but the machine had other ideas. He walked the route he knew by heart, the one that had always led to the armory before, and he opened the door. He stepped in, expecting a room full of swords, shields, and exotic guns, and he certainly didn't expect what he saw.

The room was most definitely not the armory, or at least not the armory to which he was planning on going. Instead, he had opened the door to reveal a room full of sex toys. They coated the walls, ceiling, and floor. He saw some he recognized and many that were completely foreign to him. There was one odd tentacled one, that despite its strangeness and the absurdity of the room, he was drawn to. Touching it tentatively, he shivered as it moved in his grip. He did not know quite what this room's purpose was, but he had already decided he liked it. Maybe it was best that Amy wasn't there after all.

"What is this, Sexy?" he asked, the name coming as naturally to him as Amy's. "Is this all for me?"

He heard the affirmative in his mind, and the TARDIS wiggled a few more of its devices, inviting him to play. "If you insist," he muttered, deciding that the TARDIS must know best. "And you're participating in this, are you? Well if you insist…"

The night that came next was long and fun-filled, and with Sexy's help, there were no interruptions. That planet was in a hell of a lot of danger from aliens that may or may not have existed, leaving Rory and Sexy alone for several hours.


	2. Chapter 2

From the console room, there came a great shout. "Ponds! Come quickly!" This was followed by a crash and muffled curses, which Rory recognized as the unique sound of the Doctor falling down the steps. Rory ran towards the console room, knowing that the Doctor would need immediate assurances that at least one of his companions cared about him. All too often, Amy would just leave him there while he pretended to sob. Today was not that day, though. Rory could hear her racing down the corridor above him. It seemed like the Doctor was going to get his comforting today.

* * *

As soon as he hit main hallway, he slowed his pace. No need for them to think he was in too much of a hurry. He slowly sauntered into the console room and walked down the same steps the Doctor had slipped on. Amy was already there, and he joined her at the Doctor's side, hugging and stroking the Doctor in the most reassuring way he could think of.

He came to a stop to see both Amy and the Doctor staring up at him, no longer pretending the Doctor was hurt. "Um, Rory," the Doctor hesitated for moment, wondering how best to phrase his next words, then going for the blunt. "Where are your clothes?"

"My clothes? But I'm…oh." He looked down, just remembering that he was naked. "They're all…dirty, and the TARDIS was…cleaning them, yes, cleaning them for me. I think I hear them now, hitting the floor in my room. They must be ready. I'll just go get dressed then."

The Doctor accepted his statement without question, not wanting to imagine the things his companions did last night to get all of Rory's clothes dirty. "Right. I'll just be off saving this planet we're about to land on. Amy, help your husband get dressed, will you? See you tonight."

* * *

The Doctor was out the door before Amy could look away from Rory's body. He was a stunning man, especially after he turned into a Roman. She still heard him in his little sword room practicing and working out sometimes. As she turned back to Rory, she noticed him trying to sidle away u the steps. "Oh no you don't, Rory Williams. The Doctor may have believed your story about the dirty clothes, but you aren't convincing me. If you haven't noticed, the wardrobe is full of an infinite number of clothes that fit you. You always have clean clothes. So why are you naked?"

"I forgot to put some on after last night. I was using my sword…naked…and I just...forgot. That's all. I was a bit too busy to remember my pants."

"Or your underwear…were you seeing another woman? Come to think of it, I didn't see you at all last night."

"No, not exactly. Not really a woman. But I wasn't alone."

"Did you get her pregnant?! Another woman, that's fine, that's okay, I can deal with it. But a baby? No. Please say you didn't get her pregnant."

The TARDIS chose this moment to speak in Rory's head. _Pregnant. Well that's an interesting notion. Rory, there's something you should know about TARDISes and pregnancy. When we have sex with a human or another TARDIS, the female does not get pregnant. _

"No. She's not pregnant," Rory said, relief pouring through him. How would he have explained that to the Doctor, getting his TARDIS pregnant?

_However, the male almost always does. _She whispered the second part, and Rory froze.

_You mean…_

_Yes, Rory. Congratulations, you are going to be a mommy! Now tell Amy, she has the right to know. She is your wife, and you did cheat on her._

_But you don't count! You're not human; you're not even an alien. You're a time machine, for God's sake; surely it's okay to have sex with you!_

_I somehow don't think she'll see it that way. Tell her._

_Fine. _He took a breath and tried to prepare himself for the day ahead. "So, Amy, good news: she isn't pregnant. Bad news: I am."


	3. Chapter 3

A voice pushed through Rory's thoughts, speaking into his head until he could hear nothing else. He instinctively knew it was the voice of his baby, so the urge to fight the intrusion disappeared almost as quickly as it had come.

_A human met a TARDIS_

_And together they made me_

_When I came into being,_

_Oh the horrors I did see!_

_I saw them doing things_

_That I never will forget_

_I'll remember every bit_

_Of my parents having sex._

_They squirmed and wriggled and felt the lust_

_Out if which I was born_

_I remember that my mommy thought_

_How much better this was than porn_

_I remember how my Mother TARDIS_

_Was all a-shaking and whirring_

_I remember how my insides felt_

_When I felt their insides stirring._

_I remember coming into life_

_The second I was made_

_I remember how I felt right then_

_I felt like lemonade._

_I swam around until I found_

_My mommy's warm insides_

_And there I stayed and here I lay_

_Along for this whole ride._

_I hear you in my head, mommy_

_I need your love and mind._

_If I am to live past this small stage_

_A good spot I'll have to find._

_So mommy, I ask you now_

_Will you let me live in you?_

_Will you show me a good place_

_To build myself anew?_

_I cannot live here long_

_It takes too much from me_

_I need somewhere safe to rest._

_I need you, please, mommy._

* * *

Everything had stopped. He could hear Amy shouting in the distance, and the TARDIS was brushing his mind lightly, trying to lend her support, but he barely felt either of them. All he could think of was his child singing from inside him, and his motherly instincts took over. He first spoke to the TARDIS, figuring she could help him more than Amy since this baby was half hers. _What can I do to help our child? She seems like she's in so much pain, and she's asking me to help her. Fix this; you knew it would happen, so make it better. _

_I cannot take her. She needs a human. _The TARDIS sounded every bit as worried as Rory felt, but she wasn't allowed to be worried. He and their baby needed them, and the TARDIS knew more about this than anyone else. _But she can't stay in you. The reason she is not safe is because you are not a woman. You cannot provide for her. She ideally needs a woman._

_Amy's a woman. _Rory hated the idea of asking Amy for help, especially seeing how she was so angry with him right now, but he couldn't see another option. His child needed help, and Amy was the only one who would be able to provide it at such short notice. He could hear the child's song getting weaker with each second he waited.

_I'm cold, mommy. _This wasn't a song. This was a small voice, fading in and out, trying to hold on but losing itself among Rory's swirling thoughts. _Please help me._

* * *

**A/N: You were all expecting something different than this (I was too), but I wasn't feeling the inspiration. So I'm slowly killing their child instead. Hopefully she'll live.**


	4. Chapter 4

Rory zoned back in just in time to hear Amy questioning his logic. "Wait, men can't get pregnant. How is that even possible? I suppose it has to happen somewhere in the universe, but to you? I don't think so. Was it a woman? No, it couldn't have been. Then who was it? Not the Doctor, no, he wouldn't do that to me. Could it be—"

"Amy." She continued to rant, not ready to hear his explanation. "Amy. AMY!"

"What?"

"It wasn't anyone you think it was. It was…" He paused, terrified of telling her but aware of the time ticking down for the child inside him. "It was the TARDIS."

"What?!" Amy looked up at the ship's ceiling. "Is this true?"

_Yes. I impregnated Rory. Apologies. However, it is of the utmost importance for us to act quickly to save…"_

Amy shouted over the TARDIS's thoughts, having stopped listening at _Yes._ "Rory is mine. You may be the way we travel around space and time, but that does not give you a right to MY HUSBAND, you hear? Stay away from him! Come on, Rory, we're leaving."

She pulled on his arm, fully expecting him to follow her out of the TARDIS. When he stood strong, planting his feet where he was and refusing to move, she looked back at him, confused. "Come on. You can't be choosing her over me."

"I'm sorry, Amy, but I have to stay. And if you'd be willing to forgive us, or at least listen, we need you, too."

"Forgive you? You got pregnant, and you want me to _forgive_ you? I might eventually be able to get over your betrayal, but the TARDIS? She should know better. Some with me or stay with the TARDIS, but know that I am never going to forgive her. So? What's your choice?"

"I'm staying here. Our child is dying, and there's nothing we can do about it. We need a human woman, and if you truly won't help us, I need to be with someone who cares when she dies."

"I care. And what do you mean, dies? Why would she die when she has two perfectly capable parents?"

"I'm not a woman. My body isn't designed to have a baby like yours is."

"And you want my help doing…what?"

"Ummm…could you possibly, well, you're a woman and all, so we need you to…if you could, it would be nice if…"

The TARDIS interrupts, feeling every second of the child's life ticking away into death. _We would like you to carry our baby._


	5. Chapter 5

Italics is the TARDIS

* * *

"What! You cheated on me with the TARDIS and now you're asking me to birth your baby? What do you think I am?"

"Please…"

"Don't 'please' me, Rory. Do you know how painful childbirth is?"

"No."

"Me neither." She stopped her tirade and thought for a second. "But I've heard terrible things about it. I don't know how you ever imagined having a child with me; you can't even take care of your own baby. What kind of mother are you?"

"That's the thing. I'm not meant to be a mother. I'm a dad. Even if you never talk to me again, please do this for my baby. Sexy?"

The TARDIS amplified the child's song so Amy could hear it. Amy heard the pain in her voice and softened slightly. "Well…maybe. But I want to see where she happened."

"Afterward?" Rory felt his hopes rebuild with Amy's reluctant agreement. The child wanted out of him. Now.

"Fine. How do we do this?"

_Go to the medical bay. Inside you will find two chairs. Amelia, sit in the right one. Rory, the left. I will put you both to sleep, and when you wake up, the child will have moved._

"Is it painful?" The question came from Amy's mouth but Rory was wondering, too.

_Not at all._

"Okay, then. Come on, Rory."

* * *

When Rory woke up, he felt sick, and his entire body burned. Amy, in the other chair, looked in much the same condition. "You lied," he groaned. "I can't move I hurt so much."

_I lied about the pain part. However, it is done. Amelia is now carrying our child and Rory is not. She is safe, and every stitch of pain you feel is one she did not._

"Yippee," Amy grunted from the other chair. Slowly, she stretched and got up. "We're done. Now take me to this room of yours."

"You know about the room?"

"You two aren't exactly quiet with your thoughts."

Rory looked up at the ceiling. "Explain?"

_Sudden introduction of a telepathic being can give the bearer a mild sense of telepathy themselves. It will fade._

"Oh. Well, let's find the room."

* * *

They wandered through the hallways until the TARDIS decided they had had enough time to think and showed them the door. Rory opened it slowly, nervous about Amy's reaction. They stepped into the room and Amy stopped. "Wow," she breathed.

"Are you angry?" Rory asked hesitantly.

"Not anymore. I can see why you couldn't resist." She spun in a slow circle, taking in every corner of the room. When she had finished looking, she turned to Rory. "If you ever…ever!" she started loudly. Rory winced. "Come in here again…"

"Yes?"

"Please take me with you."

* * *

From this point season 6 goes on as normal. Eyepatch lady takes Amy and something happens with the Headless Monks and the Silence and then the season ends with the words Doctor Who and the Silence are never brought up again.


End file.
